Mine have come around much earlier than usual this year because uni finishes so much earlier than high school, and it is glorious. But whilst I am enjoying my newfound freedom (did you guys know it's possible to get more than 6 hours sleep in a night?), I am also racked with this unusual sensation of holiday guilt.
This year has been a good one. Being my first year of uni, it was all very exciting, what with the promise of the future and education and all that uni brings. I can now confirm it has been eye-opening (in more ways than one), I've worked hard (apart from those times I didn't), and gotten good marks (most recent exam results pending). But for all but a short break between semesters, it's pretty much been non-stop work! Of course this was expected, I was under no illusions that university would be free sailing. However, now that it's over for the year I find myself faced with my biggest decision yet: what do I do with my spare time?!
The morning after my last exam I woke up and immediately had the sense of 'you should be doing something constructive'. However, that was just left over anxiety from exams and the guilt of not studying. It wore off quite fast, especially as the rest of the week came around and I actually went out and was social (shocking!). Now I am facing my first week of no expectations or commitments, and I don't know where to begin! I finally have the opportunity to watch all those tv shows and movies, to write that novel, to actually finish one of my drawings or that scarf I started knitting, to read the entire Game of Thrones series that has been sitting in my room all year, or to actually deal with all the clutter that covers my room and sits in the back of my closet, and I simply don't have the desire to. What is wrong with me?! They sure were sufficient distractions when I was supposed to be studying. The last thing I want is to spend my summer mucking about and not doing anything useful with my time. Which leads me to an even bigger question: what should I actually be doing with my time? As much as I would love to just laze about all day and do all those things listed above, I feel as though almost four months of it would be just a little bit greedy. As a result, I end up thinking:
- I should have enrolled in summer school (to get just one step closer to my degree)
- Or maybe I should get a second job (my student allowance payments end on Tuesday and Christmas is coming up fast, plus I'd really like a new laptop before we start back)
- How many extra shifts am I willing to take on? How many before I go mad?
- How tan can I get before I burn?
- At what stage should I start doing some Spanish study to ensure I don't forget everything I've learnt before next year?
- Seriously, WHEN IS SEASON 3 OF SHERLOCK COMING OUT
It does not help when people constantly ask what you are doing with your summer. Answering "not a lot" is only acceptable for so long. Thus, holiday guilt. I know I am on holiday and therefore am allowed to relax, but to what extent should I be working towards something more... accomplished? Ultimately, I suppose it all comes down to that age old question: how do I find that balance? It seems that may be an appropriate goal for summer: finding my balance.
I know for this week at least, I will be kicking back and enjoying my free time, as well as getting some serious planning done. I refuse to let summer pass me by! Hopefully I can reread this post at the end of it on my new laptop, with an impressive tan and a sizable sum in my bank account, as well as some awesome memories. I'm sure whatever happens, you'll hear about it here!
Evie xx
